"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14
This verse has really been on my heart lately. I know that I fail everyday with my mouth, thoughts, meditations and actions. If any of you read Stacey's blog, this is something that we both have been struggling with (she was able to blog about her feelings first though).
Now that summer has begun for our family, I would like some changes to be implemented in our home. I know that begins with my attitude but how do you change something that you most of the time you don't realize you have until you say or do something that is hurtful. The look on my children's face when I don't pay attention or the sigh in my husband's voice when I have failed him are stabs to my heart because I know I have neglected them yet again!!! And what about that quiet voice that gently tells me that I have rejected my God for far too long. This is my daily struggle. I am too easily aggravated and very quick to anger and irritation with my kids and my husband. I put off quiet time and daily bible reading and alone time with God. And my words are definitely not acceptable to my kids and husband let alone my Lord and Redeemer.
I have had many sleepless nights agonizing over these feelings.. I know that is not what God wants me to do. He wants me to lay my burdens at His feet, lean not on my own understanding, serve the Lord my God, rest in Him, use words with restraint, do not worry, feel no guilt for my sins, etc. If I only could really believed those things.. I want to, I think. Part of me likes feeling sorry for myself and having something to be angry and complain about. Why, I am not sure. Why are we so self destructive? We love to wallow in self pity and take out our aggression on others. It feels good at the moment. It is exactly the opposite of how Christ lived and conducted himself.
All this to say, I feel like b/c it is a new season I need a new attitude. One shown to me by Christ. I have wonderful friends and family that exhibit these qualities on a daily basis. I know who Jesus Christ is, so I have no more excuses. I guess I am asking to be held accountable for my actions. Ask me if I have said kind words to my children today. Ask me if I have loved and respected my husband today. And definitely ask me if I have spent time with my Saviour today!!! Its okay. I won't be annoyed or aggravated. God wants me to change my heart but I know that I can not do it alone. No pressure though. Only if God prompts you to hold me in check!! That's what we are here for right? If nothing else, pray for me and lift my attitude up to God. I know that I will feel that intercession!!
7 comments:
Get out of my head!! I have been struggling so much with this lately. Eric calls it my martyr attitude. I thought I deserved to be a martyr but that was just silly. I too am trying to work on my attitude and change. Like I told them today in prayer group, I need a "revival" in my life with my family. I used to be such a positive person and now, um, not so much.
We missed you last night!
amen sister! i love you so much. thank you for being so real and such a good friend. you are a good person and you want to badly to do what is right. i love you for that. i will help keep you accountable, please help me too. i feel like we already do that to some degree, but it is so important...especially b/c we both want and need it.
"As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend."
prov. 27:27
girl, you are my iron. thank you...:)
I have a tendency to thank God when I'm feeling desperate for change. I think it's God's pursuing of my heart and leading me into something better. I pray that this would be that for you - a time of rejoicing because the Lord is calling you to greater things. Be blessed and may you see the hands of the Lord at work.
yeah you two need to come to my house and I'll rub in between you!! Maybe some of these selfless thoughts and revival will start in my heart. :(
I've had something similar to both of your posts in the back of my consciousness.... but I'm too lazy to bring it to the fore front of my mind and actually put some thought and pray into it.
That helpmeet book that I know would solve all our problems is still sitting on the shelf. :P I'm just not motivated.
Motivate me women!
I had to share this with you....Amy Y. called this morning to ask for Eric's work number. She said that she kept up with us mainly through and was so happy to hear that Eric's business was going well. She commented that it is so nice when good things happen for good people! She made my morning! So thank you! It's amazing how our God works!
You did a really good job of expressing what I have trouble saying. I feel like that all the time. On another note, yey! I found your blog! I noticed a link on Stephanie's blog. Hope everything is going well!
AHHH! I just wrote you a really long reply and it didn't work!!
Anna
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